How To Tell The Person You're Seeing That You're An Escort
How To Tell The Person You're Seeing That You're An Escort Dating on a good day is one of the hardest things out there. Trying to get to know someone for who they are so you can see if you
How To Tell The Person You're Seeing That You're An Escort
Dating on a good day is one of the hardest things out there. Trying to get to know someone for who they are so you can see if you want to take things further than you already have is challenging. Then add the fact that most people are not honest on the first few dates, feelings can be a jumbled mess at the beginning and not knowing what to expect in general can complicate things even further. Now add in the fact you have no idea how someone will take the fact you are pulled into the umbrella term of sex worker.And as an escort you've seen your fair share of interesting people and know that what is out there varies drastically.
It can be hard to figure out if, and sometimes when, the right time is to tell your partner(s) about what you do for a living. Some women skirt around their job, giving general answers and never getting into the specifics of what they do. Others are open right off the bat that they are currently in the field of escorting or have been involved. They believe honesty is the best policy and if the person they are with can't handle that fact then the relationship isn't worth it, to begin with. Then everyone else falls somewhere in the middle. They find ways of being honest without being overly honest.
So where do you fall? Would you rather pretend the work you do, that makes some serious money, is just an unfortunate circumstance for this time in your life or do you own what you do? It isn't easy to decide what to do right off the bat for the simple fact that all situations are different and you cannot expect to treat every person you're interested in the same way. Some people know certain people in their day-to-day lives can handle the news while others can't. So how is that any different when you are dating someone and trying to decide if they need to know?
Romantic relationships versus a friend or even family relationships can adjust to a little bit of truth holding. You might not necessarily need your parents to know all parts of your work. But if you want to make a romantic relationship work, no one wants to feel like they're being lied to. No one wants to find out that all those business trips were actually to meet clients in a different town or even country.
Not Everyone Can Handle The News
As stated before, there are some people that will not take kindly to finding out their partner is someone under that umbrella term sex worker. Even looking online at advice columns or articles in general, many are not about life as an escort but how to spot someone who might be in that field. There is advice even in GQ about how men can spot if their significant other is a sex worker. But there are not many articles on how to tell someone you work in the industry. There is not article after article explaining how to make someone understand what you do for a living, especially if you are romantically involved with them.
Even if you can find an article that is not judging what escorts do for a living, it doesn't exactly paint others in the best light. Many stories of other escorts and/or sex workers, if they even decide to date, include telling a potential partner about their job and the potential partner really having to decide if they want to continue with the relationship. Many don't find sex work an attractive thing in a new partner and don't like sex work in general.
For centuries, people have been using sex work to get what they need and yet many still think sex work is inherently wrong and/or unclean. The stigmatization still bleeds into the latest century is some overt and not so overt ways. Someone may consider themselves a feminist through and through but then the idea of their partner doing any type of sex work just seems wrong to them. While all relationships vary widely and having limits on what someone can or can't handle from a partner are all valid, the question comes back to what are people so afraid of when it comes to sex work.
Risks Of Telling Your Significant Other
While many people escort because they enjoy it, others are only doing it to make some quick money and lots of it. This can be nerve-racking if you also are secretive about the work because not everyone understands being so secretive. While it has been shown that sex work has made a negative impact on the personal lives of sex workers, it seems many underestimate the true impact of this information. People can lose jobs because it has been revealed that in the past they participated in some form of sex work. And while many others believe that is wrong, just as many believe that if someone has done sex work in the past there should be positions and jobs they should not be allowed to have after that kind of work. This can even be a problem if there is another job an escort has that is considered more acceptable and the partner doesn't take the news well that an escort is their partner and potentially have the ability to get the escort fired from their current employment as well.
But even without the risk of losing your career because of this, there are other relationships this new partner can potentially ruin. Depending who this person knows in your life, they now have the power to ruin your reputation among friends and family. If the partner is a friend of a sibling or a cousin, there is a good chance if they don't like what they hear a good part of your family could end up knowing what you do. The same thing can happen within your friend circle if the person is a friend of a friend. If they don't like the news and/or simply want to hurt the escort during a breakup, that can be one of the easiest ways to get back at them for the pain the supposedly caused. But telling your significant other does not have to be all doom and gloom.
Different Ways To Let Your Partner Know You're An Escort
While there are some people who can handle knowing, and are even excited by the idea, their partner is an escort, others need to be eased into the idea. Some escorts start by mentioning they have done sex work in the past. This gives the escort an idea of how this person will react to finding out they currently do sex work. Others bring up the idea general, potentially asking what the other person thinks of sex workers/would they ever consider dating a sex worker. All these ways give the escort an idea about what they are up against. The reactions can even help the escort decide if they want to continue a relationship with this person without ever really having to tell them what they do for a living.
Others find that skirting around the issue of "what do you do for a living" till they can find the right words can also help. Most people don't get into heavy specifics of their jobs on the first few dates, to begin with, so this gives someone time to find the right way to approach the subject. Some people also wait for their partner to push the matter, somehow hoping their job never really comes up. While these are viable ways to bid time, they may not be the most useful in keeping an open dialogue with them for the simple fact that they will now assume you're lying about everything you've ever said when you drop the bombshell.
And as mentioned earlier, some people just do not have the time to weed through the mess. They are the ones that clearly state on their dating profiles or mention right off the bat that they are considered sex workers. They hope this will weed out any potential issues and they don't feel they have to dodge the truth and will be honest from the get-go.
And while this article focuses on how to tell your partner about what you do, there is always the option to lie or not be completely honest. By no means is anyone recommending that, mostly because lying is never really a good thing in general, but mainly because this is when people will get vindictive. People that feel they were lied to, even if the person technically had a good reason, more times than not want revenge. And this can create one of the risks of someone trying to out what you do. While in many places being an escort is not illegal, there are ways to make it seem like you conducted illegal activity and/or just make your life a living hell by wanting everyone you ever knew to now know you are an escort.
Being Single Might Be Easier
For some people, being single is the easiest option. They can come and go as they please while also not having to worry about them getting ousted by a jealous ex. It also can make those awkward questions with clients a bit easier, making them believe they have a chance with you to potentially get more money because they think it will somehow impress you. You also then get to avoid the all too real invasive questions about how long you've been together and if the person knows and all the things that your client has no reason to ask but believe because they are paying for your time they suddenly have all the right in the world to know.
And for others, being single is the only option. They find trying to balance the needs of a partner with their own at that time in their lives next to impossible. It is so important they take care of themselves, and with sex work of any kind having such a negative impact on personal lives, it's no wonder they aren't lining up to find someone to be with. It also doesn't help that some people believe sex workers of any kind should not be in a relationship at all after doing that kind of work. More so, these people are looking to avoid judgment and many times they know the work is temporary and would rather wait till they are in a different position in life before they go back on to the dating scene.
But no matter what the decision is, whether to be single or not, sex work is just as hard, if not harder, than many other jobs. With the toll work like this can take on someone, just like someone in a more common but intense line of work, people won't have the time to give a significant other. Whether they make themselves extremely available for their clients or are more willing to fly all over the place to find good clients, that alone can make it hard to date with the ultimate decision being that it is best if they don't tie themselves up with a relationship.
What's The Right Way To Tell Someone?
The problem is, there really isn't a right way to tell someone you do sex work. Everyone is different and it is up to you how best to gage their reactions and how much you should actually tell them. There is no way to know if they will try to ruin your life with that information or if that information will make them oddly fascinated with you. All you can do is trust your gut and decide what is best for you so that you can have the safest and best life for yourself. There are plenty of people out there that don't care what you do, they just want someone that will take care of them and help them with their own happiness.
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