Loneliness: When Escorting Becomes Counselling

Everyone has a moment when they need to reach out to a lover, friend, a colleague, or a family member. One of those occasions may be caused by loneliness. Amanda Goff – Samantha X - was one of Australia's highest paid escorts – charging $2,000 per hour towards the end of her career, claims that her work was rarely about sex. To her it was about having a connection. She tells Mamma Mia magazine in Isabella Ross' article of 16^th August 2022 on the topic:

“I realised this man wasn't just here for sex. I think men go into it thinking they want sex and that's what it's about, but in fact I got his whole life story and we talked about everything. It was almost like he didn't want to go because he wanted to keep talking."

In her narrative, Ross adds: “Before doing escorting, Samantha X hadn't ever really heard men talk about their feelings. But she soon realised that her position made men feel comfortable to share their stories and emotions - because they didn't feel judged. For some of her clients, Samantha X was a sounding board.”

Goff would often tell her clients that it would be cheaper to see a counsellor than to see her, but a fear of being judged made them feel more comfortable talking with her. She has therefore concluded that some men see sex workers as a safe space because when they are naked together, they are vulnerable together. So, in the latter stages of her career as Samantha X, she wasn't simply paid to have sex with clients. Ross reveals: “On many occasions - sometimes even the majority - she was being paid for her company. To go out for coffee. To have a date night. To talk.”

A welcome distraction

In a Dear Deidre column, edited by Sally Land and published by The Sun newspaper on 11^th August 2021, the headline suggests that a 50 year old man turned to turned to escorts “Like a drug…to distract [himself] from [his] wife's death – now he can't stop.” He felt so lonely after his wife died that he decided to arrange to meet a woman for company for sex.

His story shows that loneliness is one driver, but it comes with a warning to not let sex become an addiction to mask feelings of grief. He also ended up seeing escorts 4 times a week, beyond his financial capacity to support it. The lesson: escort clients should avoid living beyond their means, and in his case, he may need to seek bereavement counselling while taking a step back. That doesn't mean he shouldn't enjoy seeing an escort if it helps him. He may just need to seek other kinds of help too.

Releasing frustrations

Another man told Dear Deirdre in 2019 that he saw escorts because since his 12-year old son was born his wife hasn't want to have sex. He claims in the article, 'I use escorts because my wife hasn't wanted sex since our son, 12, was born': “She was young and pretty and good at her job — and the sex eased my frustration. But I feel so guilty. I only go because my wife's driving me to it.” Basically, his relationship with his wife has broken down, and so he's advised to repair it.

In J.D. Salinger's novel 'A Catcher in the Rye' the main character of the book, Holden, goes back to his hotel and is offered “five bucks a throw” with a female prostitute, but rapidly regrets it because he feels too depressed to have sex with the girl called Sunny who comes to his room and tries to seduce him. While he is certainly interested in sex, he doesn't feel it's the right time. His nervousness, youth, self-questioning hold him back. Perhaps, instead of sex, Holden needed to talk.

Unfortunately, things went wrong for him. After only offering to pay her $5 rather than $10, he was roughed up by her pimp, Maurice, who doubled up as the elevator operator. Now violence of any kind against an escort, prostitute, client, or anyone else is not on, but would that have been forestalled if he had expressed his misgivings and open up to Sunny? Perhaps, perhaps not. There's no point in opening up to just about anyone but the right person at the right time. Holden just wasn't ready, and he should have been let go without any altercation against his person.

Lacking time

There are other drivers for hiring escorts too. A press release on Journalism.co.uk, 'Escort agencies rank highly with men requiring companionship in lively London' asks: “With a cultivation of thousands of high-flying executives working in the city amongst the various financial, IT and legal based companies – working an average 12-hour days – is it any surprise that many execs don't have the time to form long-term relationships?”

Abbey, director of an escort agency, adds in the communiqué: “our clients vary from celebrities to barristers, and from private Company Directors to senior bank executives. All of these clients have one thing in common – they do not have the time to maintain conventional relationships, so seek premium discreet escorts to provide companionship during events they have to attend."

So, escort can become counsellors, intelligent companions to business events or fun sidekicks for attending entertainment gigs. For many it might be about sex, but that's not always the case. Some just need to talk without judgement. Discretion is the word. However, traditional counsellors often come with their own baggage, and some aren't so good at leaving their prejudices behind. Dating a professional escort is without prejudice, and often without the baggage of a conventional relationship.